Over the years I understood that according to the scriptures we are to tithe from the first fruits, this is 10% from our gross income. But for many years I looked at my debt and looked at my net and said " there just isn't enough" so I gave 10% of my net and called it a tithe. When the company I had worked at for many years decided to close its doors, I found myself 56years old and out of a job. I decided to become self-employed by cleaning houses and would also do cakes for different celebrations. I knew that in order for me to be successful at this I would have to tithe from my gross income. So I began my adventure, following Jesus and depending on Him to provide for my income. I tithed and when it seemed so small I would add an offering on top of it. But my finances were little and I seemed to be always living the "not enough" or "barely enough".
I would pray that God would lead me and show me what I needed to be doing. People would testify how God was blessing them abundantly because of their tithing, and I would weep" Lord what is wrong with me, where is my sin." I reasoned since I was struggling just to stay afloat then there must be sin in my life. I would listen very closely to each sermon hoping with each one I would understand what I was doing wrong. I prayed" Lord show me my sin so I can repent and turn from it." Then finally early one morning when it wasn't quite morning and I was not asleep yet not fully awake, God spoke this word to me.
"It is easy to serve me, it is easy to praise me, it is easy worship me, it is easy to give when you are on the mountain top. But I am looking for a people who will serve me, praise me, worship me and give when you are in the valley as well as the mountain top."
I knew this was for my growth for me to learn how to trust Him and not myself. For me to say this was easy to digest would be a lie, yet I knew I wanted to be a person who would keep on keeping on believing and trusting in Jesus and Him alone.
Eight years have past and I am still living in the "not enough" and the "barely enough". Sometimes I think if I hear Malachi 3: 8-11 one more time, or hear someone say "well I always tithe and God always meets my needs." I could scream. Does anyone understand what I am saying?
Yet, I remember the word God gave me and I cling to it. I know and believe it will not always be this way. Even now I am brought to tears, because there have been times when I just had to pay the bill and when I did that the tithe was gone and all I had was an offering. I would try to catch up but couldn't because then another bill or gas or groceries would take some more. I grieved because I felt like a failure. I would daily pray" Lord give the wisdom in how to use my money wisely". Then I would tithe and things would be fine for awhile. Then it would happen again. "Lord what do I do" finally He would say "Just as my mercy is new each morning, begin again anew". So I did.
3 John 2 says: "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers".
This is saying God does not want us live in lack in any part of our lives. Lack came into this world at the fall of man. Jesus has redeemed us from that. I believe this completely and absolutely, I may be in lack now but this is not forever, God will and is going to bring break through into my life. I just need to remain steadfast in my walk, in every area of my life: in my service, in my praise, in my worship and in my giving. God sees my heart He understands my desire to give and give some more and when I fall short He loves me and picks me up and says "begin again" and I do.
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